Unsettling Feeling

I'm feeling really down tonight, all of a sudden. I'm talking to Christine about her wedding, and I'm suddenly overcome w/ sadness. I want to be there to help her with her wedding stuff, but I can't because I'm here in Chicago! Not that she can't go on w/o my help, but she's the "fan club!" I just really want to be there with her every step of the way.

I also really miss Oasis. I miss being one of the youngest in the group. I miss our Sunday nights after smallgroup meeting we just hang out forever and ever, even though we've all got to go to work/school the next day. I miss our openness to one another and our deep dedication to each other's lives. I miss that exactly half of us are extroverts and the other half are introverts. I miss that we will always eat as long as there's food out on the table. I miss being there, being able to journey through life together--the engagements, the pregnancies, the new jobs, the layoffs, the heartaches, the disappointments, etc. etc.

On the other hand, it's getting really hard to think about the possibility of leaving Chicago one day. I've made some great friends here! I'm having such a blast here getting to know and hanging out with everybody. Even though I'm older than a lot of them, ok, most of them, but it's been really fun playing "big sis" to them and pretending that with age comes with wisdom. :) I feel very free here!It's such a fun city! I joke about being "single in the city" but without all of the insecurities and not "looking." :) I know deep down in my heart that I'm a city girl. I feel alive in a big city setting!

Oh my! I have NO IDEA where life is going to take me next. I don't know what to do with all these unknowns and TBDs. To go through life completely blind? Lead only by the hands of God? Am I capable of that??