Older, or wiser? Or Neither?
Yesterday, I was chatting online with one of my dearest friends, xiaoting13, about this one little fact that has been giving me MASSIVE amounts of anxiety lately--I'm turning a very (in my opinion) unpleasant age this year. Ever since January 1st, I've been dreading, plotting ways to avoid this day that will come soon enough. Oh man, I shudder just thinking about it. I can't even TYPE the number.
So why does THIRTY bother me so much? (Yes, go ahead and gasp, I know I don't look a day older than 25. ) Honestly, I'm simply not ready. Not that I feel like I needed to accomplish certain things before I turn 30; I just don't want to leave my 20's. I'm not ready to throw in the towel, put the stake in the ground and say "There! I was here. I made my mark, and now I'm leaving." That's just it! I don't feel like I've truly lived and enjoyed my 20-something decade until my late 20's, so I feel as if I've been robbed of those early years. I've only recently begun to really know how to be independent, be secure in who I am, fully understand why I must surrender my all, and finally learn the meaning of and actually having TRUE friends who will be there for me through thick and thin. Knowing what I know now, I want to go back and re-live 23,24,25...because I'm much more prepared now, and I'm could do a much better job.
Instead, without warning, without my consent, I'm being forced into being a boring, plain, serious, suck-all-the-fun-out-of-life, no-longer-young-and-hip, 30 year old. 2006 I hate you!
Can't I just decide that every birthday from now on, I will turn 25?
Xiaoting13 says that Jesus' ministry did not begin until he's 30. And she wants me to write down the positive things (and only positive) about being older.
Fine. That'll be the next post.
So why does THIRTY bother me so much? (Yes, go ahead and gasp, I know I don't look a day older than 25. ) Honestly, I'm simply not ready. Not that I feel like I needed to accomplish certain things before I turn 30; I just don't want to leave my 20's. I'm not ready to throw in the towel, put the stake in the ground and say "There! I was here. I made my mark, and now I'm leaving." That's just it! I don't feel like I've truly lived and enjoyed my 20-something decade until my late 20's, so I feel as if I've been robbed of those early years. I've only recently begun to really know how to be independent, be secure in who I am, fully understand why I must surrender my all, and finally learn the meaning of and actually having TRUE friends who will be there for me through thick and thin. Knowing what I know now, I want to go back and re-live 23,24,25...because I'm much more prepared now, and I'm could do a much better job.
Instead, without warning, without my consent, I'm being forced into being a boring, plain, serious, suck-all-the-fun-out-of-life, no-longer-young-and-hip, 30 year old. 2006 I hate you!
Can't I just decide that every birthday from now on, I will turn 25?
Xiaoting13 says that Jesus' ministry did not begin until he's 30. And she wants me to write down the positive things (and only positive) about being older.
Fine. That'll be the next post.
posted by Iris @ 12:49 PM
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