Finally There

Moving to Chicago is probably one of the best things I've ever done for myself. I say that very selfishly though. I wish I would have done it right out of UT (the best school in the world!) or at least in my "younger" days.

Did you know that I had planned on moving to NYC after graduation? With no job offers in hand, I was still determined to find my way to Madison Avenue somehow. Just as I was researching for apartments and plane tickets, the thought of making NO money in Advertising and starving in in the Big Apple came over me, and I chickened out at the last minute. So I decided that Dallas was the next best thing because it was something familiar, somewhere safe. But deep down inside, I wondered about life in New York, in any metropolitan city. Seven years later, OMD gave me a choice: move to Chicago to work out of the Chicago office or look for new job in Dallas. It was one of the HARDEST decisions I've had to make in my life. Many tearful goodbyes later, I'm here, living la vida loca in Chicago. I think I wanted to do it because I didn't want to have thoughts of "what if" looming over me anymore. Looking back now, I'm so glad I did it. I am proud of myself for taking that chance. Because for the first time, I'm learning to be independent, to be "alone," to be adventurous, to embrace the "wide open spaces." All this, at the tender age of 28. :)

BUT, this new found independence isn't without a hefty price tag. As I'm learning to be independent, I'm also tempted to be less dependent on God. Thoughts of "I can do it" creeps above the desire to surrender myself and be completely reliant upon Him, who gave me the strength in the first place. I also plugged myself away from some of the dearest friendships that took all of the seven years to build. I'm missing out on their journey through life. I don't get to share wedding planning stress, pregnancy anxieties, job search nightmares...their babies won't know "auntie Iris" as they grow up. I'm just MISSING OUT in general, constantly fearing that I've been replaced, forgotten. :( And lastly, I am hundreds of miles away from my fiance, who is stuck with doing all the grunt work for this wedding while trying to get into medical school. We don't get to revel in our "engagement bliss" together, in the same city.

I've gotta believe that God is at work in my life even when I choose not to be aware of Him. There are no coincidences in life, only the will of God. My stubbornness and rebellion crumbles in His grasp. He was there with me in Taiwan, in Tulsa, in Dallas, in Austin, now in Chicago, and I rest in knowing that He also has my tomorrow in His hands.