I'm Starting to Have Anxiety Insomnia
After a restless night of tossing and turning, I woke up this morning panicking...
1. It is LESS THAN THREE MONTHS until I get married. MARRIED!!! I remember just 4 years ago, that's all I wanted. Now it's finally really gonna happen (I'm pretty sure), I'm totally freaked out by the "realness" of it. I still have soooooooo much to do for the wedding before the day comes. I'm normally very organized at coordinating other people's weddings. But for some reason, for my own wedding, I've become this huge procrastinator + control freak. Thus, nothing gets done. We don't even have the guest list finalized, and we still can't decide on a honeymoon destination. I told that to one of my co-workers, and she said "there are a lot of great last minute deals..." Yikes!!
2. I suddenly remembered that I'm 29 years old. :o What happened to my twenties? I'm not ready to leave it, so please don't make me??? I even got a spam email today with the subject heading "Thirty-something and single?" AS IF!!!! But seriously, what did I do with all my "youth?" Did I accomplished anything that I had set out to accomplish? I miss that fresh-out of school optimism where I really thought I could take on the world, and the world would embrace me with my best interest at heart. Many heartaches later, I too, have become jaded and leery of the world. *sigh*
3. My life is a huge TBD. I'm going about my day, living in a city that I don't even know if I'll get to stay to plant any type of roots, but I also don't know if I'll be going back to the place where I'm familiar with relationships already established. Bryan doesn't know where he's going to get into medical school, if he's getting into medical school. Our lives kinda have to be on hold because of it, but at the same time, time doesn't wait for us, life must go on...
Why must I be assigned to take the windiest road, in every single direction?
1. It is LESS THAN THREE MONTHS until I get married. MARRIED!!! I remember just 4 years ago, that's all I wanted. Now it's finally really gonna happen (I'm pretty sure), I'm totally freaked out by the "realness" of it. I still have soooooooo much to do for the wedding before the day comes. I'm normally very organized at coordinating other people's weddings. But for some reason, for my own wedding, I've become this huge procrastinator + control freak. Thus, nothing gets done. We don't even have the guest list finalized, and we still can't decide on a honeymoon destination. I told that to one of my co-workers, and she said "there are a lot of great last minute deals..." Yikes!!
2. I suddenly remembered that I'm 29 years old. :o What happened to my twenties? I'm not ready to leave it, so please don't make me??? I even got a spam email today with the subject heading "Thirty-something and single?" AS IF!!!! But seriously, what did I do with all my "youth?" Did I accomplished anything that I had set out to accomplish? I miss that fresh-out of school optimism where I really thought I could take on the world, and the world would embrace me with my best interest at heart. Many heartaches later, I too, have become jaded and leery of the world. *sigh*
3. My life is a huge TBD. I'm going about my day, living in a city that I don't even know if I'll get to stay to plant any type of roots, but I also don't know if I'll be going back to the place where I'm familiar with relationships already established. Bryan doesn't know where he's going to get into medical school, if he's getting into medical school. Our lives kinda have to be on hold because of it, but at the same time, time doesn't wait for us, life must go on...
Why must I be assigned to take the windiest road, in every single direction?
posted by Iris @ 12:22 AM
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